


'Till It's Madness in My Head

by goingmywaydoll



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Unrequited Love, depending on your ship, not a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 03:05:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goingmywaydoll/pseuds/goingmywaydoll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You could be happy and I won't know/But you weren't happy the day I watched you go/And all the things that I wished I had not said/Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>When Lily finally asks James.</p>
<p>Inspired by You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Till It's Madness in My Head

**Author's Note:**

> I just love writing from Snape's perspective looking in on Lily and James. I tried to make him a good person, which is hard because he really isn't (spectacular character, terrible person is all I'll say). I ship Jily until the ends of the universe so Snily shippers won't find what you want here. It's basically a Jily getting together story.
> 
> All rights reserved to JK Rowling and Snow Patrol. No copyright infringement intended.

He cannot pinpoint the exact moment they fall apart. It's before the incident by the lake, but after that, everything seemed to crack and break. They used to make fun of the Marauders, with their stupid self-given name and cocky attitudes but now all she seems to do is hang out with them, and not him. She's still friends with Marlene and Mary but Mary has always been to girly for her and Marlene is occupied with that McKinnon bloke.

He remembers one day clearly, though he wishes he didn't. It was a sunny, warm afternoon. They had just completed their NEWTs and most of the seventh years were lounging by the lake. Severus cannot help but be reminded of a very similar day in fifth year. He pushed this thought to the back of his mind and returned to his book, while Mulciber and Avery chatter on behind him. There is a burst of bubbly laughter behind him and his heart immediately swoops. He knows that laughter anywhere. Unfortunately, it's accompanied with a loud, masculine guffaw. James Potter's laughter often haunts him in his sleep. He tries not to look up at the group approaching the lake but he can't help it. Lily is obviously enjoying a piggy-back ride from Potter, whose hair is even more messed up than usual and his glasses askew. Marlene and Mary are there too, with their respective boyfriends, and the rest of his stupid friends are trailing along. Black is telling some pointless (he doesn’t know the joke but he knows it is) joke to Pettigrew who is giggling at his obnoxious friend. Lupin is talking animatedly with Marlene about a muggle band after her boyfriend, whom Severus doesn’t care to know, leaves to study with Mary’s boyfriend. The seven of them finally settle beside their usual shady tree by the lake while Severus pretends to listen to something Mulciber is saying, but is really watching them. Potter sets Lily surprisingly lightly on the ground and she pulls a face at being put down. He can barely hear their conversation from here but he does pick out bits and pieces.

“Did you really have to put me down, Potter?” Lily is saying, overly disappointed. What was once a name uttered with derision is now a comfortable nick-name. Severus used loved it when she called him Potter. It was a reminder of her hatred towards the other boy. But now she says it with a caring tone and he wants to wring the quidditch captain’s neck.

“I’m afraid I did, Lily dear,” Potter says apologetically. She collapses on the ground, tired from exams and he sits down next to her. His hands go to her hair, twisting the red locks in a familiar way. Severus’ blood boils.

“I do so like being on top of you,” she says with no shame and Potter smirks.

“Do you?”

Lily is about to open her mouth with a comment sure to make Severus want to vomit when Black interrupts them.

“Would you two stop flirting for five seconds so we can settle a debate?” he asks and Lily and Potter turn bright red.

“We weren’t flirting,” Lily mumbles while Black rolls his eyes.

“Right…” he drawls and Lily avoids Potter’s gaze. “Anyways, Pete here says that…”

But Severus doesn’t care about the natterings of the Maraurders. He focuses only on Lily, who is leaning leisurely against the tree and Potter. Her head is rested against Potter’s shoulder while his arms are wrapped around her and his hand playing with her hair. Every now and then her laugh carries across the lawn and her face lights up. Every now and then she laughs, and Potter smiles like it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Just like Severus used to and still does. It’s the happiest he’s ever seen her. Her eyes are bright and it seems she never stops smiling. Severus hates it.

“Come on, just say it…” Potter is saying to Lily. She is trying hard not to laugh and failing miserably at it. 

“Hmm, how about no?” she says, her face growing redder and redder.

“Just four words. Five if you add my name,” says Potter. Severus frowns, confused.

“I think I’ll go with zero words,” says Lily, pretending to think about it.

“I’ve spent the last five years asking, I think it’s your turn.”

“I don’t agree.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I’m the one who’s doing it.”

“And I’m the one who answers.”

Lily groans indignantly and Potter grins at her. 

“Remus, Peter, help me out here,” Lily pleads with the other two boys.

“What about me?” Black asks, sounding hurt.

“You’re going to side with James,” Lily says, not even looking towards him.

“Sorry, Lily. I’m with James on this one,” says Pettigrew, shrugging apologetically. Lily turns on Lupin.

“You two have been beating around the bush for long enough now,” says Lupin in response. Severus begins to understand what they are talking about and a sick feeling accompanied by butterflies settle in his stomach. Lily sighs, resigned, but he can see even from here that she is not truly angry. She now looks towards Marlene or Mary—he can never tell the difference—but her friend only shrugs. Lily bites her lip, obviously thinking through her options.

“Just say it, Evans,” Potter says good-naturedly. 

“Do I really have to?”

“Yep.”

“Four words…”

“Hmm, no.”

“Alright then, you leave me no choice.”

Lily frowns for a split second, bewildered by his threat, but a moment later, she is thrown over his shoulder, laughing and screaming at the same time. The rest of their friends are watching amusedly and some of the other students have begun to do the same. Potter and Lily’s quarrels are frequent so this scene by the lake is not greeted with surprise. The fights never last long and the two usually make up by the next day. They aren’t how Lily and Severus’ used to be—not often but drawn out and not over trivial things. It seems there is nothing long with Potter and Lily’s friendship. They fight like a married couple but always make up the next day, laughing at breakfast with the Marauders and Marlene/Mary. Rumors circulate the school often that they are secretly going out. Severus refuses to believe this because the alternative is too painful.

Potter, with Lily on his shoulder, is approaching the lake’s edge while Lily is screaming bloody murder. The other five follow them, Black trying not to fall over laughing. Lily is yelling for help while Potter only answers with “Four words…” each time she does. They finally reach the edge and Potter kicks off his shoes. Lily’s hair has come fully out of her messy ponytail and is cascading down Potter’s back. It glints in the sunlight and her face is beginning to match the color. Potter steps into the cold water and Lily’s protests—or laughs—intensify. The water is up to his knees when he stops. 

“James, don’t you dare!” Lily screeches as he nearly drops her.

“You said you’d rather go out with the giant squid. I figured you should get to know him.”

“It was a joke!”

“What do you think, Padfoot? Good excuse?” Potter says, turning towards Black, who pretends to ponder this.

“Doesn’t pass,” Black responds and Lily begins to writhe in Potter’s grasp. 

“No!”

“Too late. You missed your chance.” Potter threatens to drop her again and Severus’ blood boils. He knows what’s coming next.

“Okay, I’ll say it!” Lily gives in. Potter freezes, intrigued. Lily is panting and he can imagine her heart pounding against Potter’s back. There’s a bout of silence where the surrounding students watch with bated breath. Severus isn’t even trying to pretend to listen to Mulciber now. He is unabashedly watching the scene unfold before him. Potter has just waltzed in there, the git he is, and stole her away from him. He likes to think if Potter didn’t exist, he and Lily would be together now. He probably wouldn’t be friends with Mulciber, and Avery, Lily wouldn’t be friends with the Marauders and it would her and him sitting under the tree by the lake. Maybe he would be playing with her hair as he always wanted. They would talk about exams, the end of the year feast and nothing of importance. Every now and then, he would press his lips to hers or to the top of her head. He would walk her back to Gryffindor tower with a kiss goodnight. Mary or Marlene would complain about Lily dating him but she would jump to his defense. 

But Lily’s high pitched shriek wakes him from his reverie. Potter has finally dumped her in the icy water of the lake. She stands up shakily and her hair is plastered to her face, her clothes hanging off her body limply. She has never looked more beautiful to him. 

She’s glaring daggers at the boy in front of her, who is trying not to laugh.

“Potter,” she says warningly.

“Yes, Lily?” he asks innocently, unprepared for what comes next. She’s suddenly barreling towards him and tackles him into the shallow water. She pins him down, laughing triumphantly. 

“I don’t think you ever asked me,” Potter says cheekily and Lily rolls her eyes. “You did promise…”

“You are such a prat!”

Potter shrugs, as if he can’t control it, and looks at her expectantly.

“Ugh, fine.” She sighs dramatically and crawls off Potter, who stands up. “Potter…”

“Yes, Lily?”

“Will you…”

“What?”

“Willyougooutwithme?” she mumbles and it’s out there. Severus can’t look at them any more. But they’re too close for him to ignore their voices.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Oh, you heard!”

“I don’t think I did.”

“Potter, will you go out with me?”

“Still don’t hear it.”

“Will you go out with me, James?” she bellows. At this point, everyone looks over and Lily blushes profusely. He can hear Avery mutter something like “Bloody Gryffindors” but he ignores him. What was at first a warm spring day has seemed to become a chilly one. A cloud covered the sun and they are enveloped in a shadow. 

“Let me think about it…” Potter answers and Lily pushes him back into the water. He lands hard on his butt with a splash and if it was any other situation, Severus would laugh. But this is Lily asking Potter out. There is no humor in this. He’s not sure there will ever be humor or happiness in his life after this moment. 

“James.”

“I suppose I could make some time on the next Hogsmeade trip,” he says, pretending to think about it. Lily shoves him once more and he grabs her hand at the last minute, causing her to tumble over into the water.

The two immerge from the water, laughing loudly and soaked to the bone. Their laughter is infectious, and their friends join them. Most of the students by the lake have turned away, predicting the outcome, but Severus keeps his eyes on them. Potter and Lily’s laughter has subsided and he takes a step forward. Lily doesn’t back away from him. He tucks a red lock behind her ear and he can tell they’re in their own world. Potter’s a little taller than him and the height difference has never been more noticeable as now, when they are standing as close as they can without touching. 

“You know I only kid, right?” Potter asks and the words are definitely meant to be quiet, but they carry to the boy watching them. Lily doesn’t reply but she smiles softly in agreement. “So, Evans, go out with me?”


End file.
